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Hello, this is Steve, CEO of Testlio. To start: I take responsibility for, and apologize for, actions of mine that have hurt you and/or others.
When your review was published, I immediately surfaced it to our founders and board of directors. They reviewed it and we have discussed it. I’ve also asked key members of my leadership team to reflect upon it and offer me their insights.
I offer my personal reply today, May 16, 2023.
To begin, your comment of “do try to at least act better” does a good job of capturing my journey. I have natural and learned wiring that pushes me to work hard, operate competitively, and “challenge things” (per Testlio’s values).
The shadow-side of this wiring is that I am sometimes hard on people, as you call out. What you describe as “outbursts” can be me at my worst, allowing my frustrations to come through in ways that aren’t aligned with my leadership principles. For any outbursts you have seen or experienced, I apologize.
My competitiveness can help companies perform well financially. For example, Testlio grew revenue 5x during my first 4 years as CEO while we brought the business from losing money to profitability for 3 of those 4 years. Going forward, my goal is to maintain my drive and eliminate behaviors that can be viewed as outbursts.
You also use the terms “impulsiveness” and “gaslighting” in your review. I’d like to address both.
While I acknowledge that at times I can seem impulsive in an individual situation (e.g. a small team Zoom meeting), I hold that I am generally a thoughtful leader. What might seem impulsive usually comes from a deeper place where I’m seeing something that doesn’t seem to be working well for our company and/or I’m concerned about a decision we’re about to make.
Further, if you spend time with my direct reports and work with me over long periods of time, I think you gain a fuller perspective of how I generally am not impulsive on critical decisions (sometimes to the frustration of people who want me to make important choices faster). I also hold that my team will tell you that I’m pretty good at changing my mind based on updated situations and broad input.
Please also note that several members of the Testlio team have known and worked with me for more than 15 years (a few across multiple companies). Additionally, I originally met the Founders of Testlio in 2013, advised them from 2014-2018, and joined Testlio full-time in 2018.
They offer this quote today: “Over our decade-long collaboration, Steve’s impact on our company has been transformative. From the early stages of Testlio, his involvement, investment, and ongoing guidance have propelled our growth. As CEO, Steve inspires us to embrace growth, fosters a supportive work culture, and prioritizes diversity and inclusion. Our trust and dedication to him in this role remains steadfast and unshaken.” - Kristel and Marko Kruustük, co-founders and board directors, Testlio.
Additionally, in my 4.5 years at Testlio as CEO I’ve had mostly consistent direct reports. The average tenure of my executive leadership team during my time at Testlio is 3 years, noting that 5 members of my team have been with me the whole time I’ve been at Testlio.
Turning to “gaslighting,” it’s a phrase that is being used more in American businesses. One definition of gaslighting is “a specific type of manipulation where the manipulator is trying to get someone else (or a group of people) to question their own reality, memory or perceptions.” But there are other uses of gaslighting, inclusive of concepts like, “invalidating something you’ve just said” or “questioning the veracity of your statements.”
Before your review, I’ve never been told that I use gaslighting. Today, I asked seven members of the Testlio team, along with my wife of 25 years, if they have ever seen me gaslight someone or experienced gaslighting themselves. They all said no.
Stepping back, if I take the first definition of “manipulation” I also struggle to see examples of gaslighting at Testlio (my own or others). But if I take a looser definition of “invalidating” or “questioning”, and I think about the context of power dynamics, then I can see situations where some of my actions could be experienced as gaslighting. For this, I’m sorry. To you, and to others.
In closing, thank you for your perspectives. Aspects of what you provided encouraged me to recommit to my personal and leadership journey.
Looking ahead, I offer this pledge: I commit to being open to feedback, coaching, perspectives, and input. I actively seek and appreciate specific call-outs on my behaviors. I continue to work on my shortcomings and strive to avoid doing harm to others.
Sincerely,
Steve
CEO
Testlio Inc.
