Pros and cons of dating a lawyer? Second date with a cute big law guy. Concerned about his (and other big law associates) availability and ability to be a good partner given schedule. Generally matching with lots of lawyers so good to be aware of these even if date doesn’t work out. Sorry if this is a triggering question. Genuinely curious.
My firm is tracking our office attendance via badge-swipes and sending automated warnings. It doesn't matter if my billables are through the roof or if I’m working until midnight from home. If my physical badge doesn't click into the lobby by 9:00 AM three days a week, I get an automated email from HR. It is the most patronizing, low-trust environment I’ve ever experienced in my professional life. Are your firms tracking you like inventory?
How much of your “full self” do you bring to work? I was told that having a visible baby monitor in the background of a remote internal meeting looked uncommitted to the practice. We are an industry full of adults with families, aging parents, and personal lives, yet we’re expected to project this sterile, robotic image of total availability 24/7. I wasn’t interacting with my child at all, and I was fully paying attention to the meeting. But I’m not going to pretend that I’m not a parent.
How much does which judge you clerked for matter? Got an offer from a federal district judge in a pretty competitive district, but the judge is appointed by the current president - would that have any reflection on me when applying for future jobs? (And would that hurt my chances for nonprofit / impact litigation work?) I’m not sure if I’m just overthinking it at this point…
Con: he’s a lawyer.
I am the BigLaw lawyer married to a non-lawyer, with a baby. I think in some ways it’s much easier once you’re living together (or de facto living together where you’re constantly at each other’s place for no reason as the default). If I had to make specific dates and plans to see my wife at specific times, there would be a very high risk of needing to cancel, delay, or be distracted. But as a married couple, the moment I’m not working the default is spending 100% of my time with her (and now the baby) so that adds up to a pretty good amount of quality time. This is especially so given that my firm is only 3 days/week in office. BigLaw lawyers can make loving and supportive partners, but it is hard for us to commit 1000% to plans with no risk of interruption, and hard to not surreptitiously check the work phone all the time. Sadly it’s simply the nature of the job that we’re expected to be on call all the time, and while there is some room for pushing back and setting boundaries, it only goes so far (and the boundaries that can be set are way different than most other jobs).
His availability will be hit or miss, but, more importantly, you need to know what his longer term plan is. He may only plan to be in big law for another year or 2, so it wouldn’t be relevant for the long term.
Married to a lawyer. Helps a lot that he understands the demands of the job. Also just like that he’s smart and ambitious and dynamic (and most of all that he’s kind, but that has nothing to do with being a lawyer).
i cant stress this enough..if you are a person who appreciates lots of quality time, thoughtful planned dates and just a generally available partner, DO NOT DATE A BIGLAW LAWYER, SURGEON or INVESTMENT BANKER... i dont understand why people cant seem to process this
Married to a lawyer for 21 years. I echo what someone above said about the value of being with someone who understands and is ambitious. I’m in Big Law and he has a demanding in-house job that requires lots of travel. It is definitely workable, but both people need to step up and help out in the division of labor.
Does the on call component or hours get better with time? Also clarifying that I’m not in law.
Hours get worse with seniority in biglaw.
Important question: did he go to Fordham? If so run
Why?
My wife being a lawyer (originally, then a stay at home mom, now someone who’s very politically engaged) has only been a benefit to our relationship. Same reasons as above - makes communicating about my day easy; she’s smart, rational, and analytical; she understands the demands and pressures of the job.
Biglaw litigator married to a biglaw transactional. Depends on practice, practice group and partner/client needs. My schedule is generally relaxed, but I work every vacation. Spouse’s schedule is busy-busy-busy but very rarely bothered on vacation. No kids (do have pets) and no intention to have kids, so our situation is unique in that respect, but suffice to say, every biglaw situation is unique.